Going Against the Grain

When The One and I first got engaged, and began announcing the news to everyone, one of our friends asked The One where his ring was. At first he thought she was joking, but then he realized that she really wanted to know where his engagement ring was at. Apparently she didn't realize that custom and tradition dictates that the female gets an engagement ring, but the male does not. When The One explained this to her, she stated that was stupid, and said that when she gets engaged she will want her guy to wear a ring showing that he is taken, too. If you think about it from today's view point, there is a lot of logic in her thought process. (Of course, many of our marriage traditions come from a very long time ago, when men and women held much different positions in society. But, the intent of my post is not to debate the good or bad of these traditions.)

After speaking with this friend, The One made a few joking comments about the fact that it was unfair that I got to wear my ring now, but he did not get to wear his until the wedding. It's hard to argue with him on that one. It really is a bit unfair, especially since I'm only going to have one ring, not two. So essentially, I am already wearing my wedding band, but he is supposed to wait to wear his until the wedding day.

The One has a set of friends that are engaged, and the male wears a ring just like she does. Today, I met up with my friend Tam-Kat, who is getting married a month before The One and I are. She and I got on the subject of rings, and she asked me if The One was wearing his ring yet. I said no, and asked if her fiancee was wearing his. She said yes, he didn't want to wait until they were married to show his commitment to her. He wanted to start wearing it immediately. Obviously, not everyone agrees with the women only rule on the engagement ring theory, and the tradition may be slowly changing.

I came home and brought the subject up to The One. I told him about my conversation with Tam-Kat, and talked to him about his ring, and about the whole custom and tradition of engagement and wedding rings. I know that he really wants to be wearing it now, but isn't because custom dictates that he has to wait until the wedding to receive it. I asked him if he had the choice between wearing his ring now, or waiting until the wedding, what would he pick. He thought about if for a while, and he said that he would wear it now. He said that he's committed to being with me, and he's already begun his life with me, and there's really no reason to wait until the wedding to put the ring on as a sign of something that he already feels, and is already doing.

We then discussed the fact that in general, wearing a ring on your ring finger of your left had is typically accepted as a sign that you are married. If he has a ring on that finger, it is going to be assumed that he is married. So, he will probably have to deal with being questioned about it, and I asked him how he'd feel about that. He said he'd be OK with it, and would just explain however he saw fit depending on the circumstances.

(Honestly, either it has gotten extremely common for women to only wear one ring, or else my ring looks like it has a band because of the design of it, but almost everyone assumes that I am already married. So, I'm constantly correcting people, and explaining that I'm engaged, but not married yet.)

We then went on to discuss the fact that we don't have to prescribe to the generally accepted norms. (Our whole relationship is pretty much a lesson in going against the norm!) The most important point is how we feel, and what we want to do, not what tradition says we have to do.

So, after talking about it, and thinking about it, I decided to present The One with his wedding band to start wearing now. I got the box out, and brought it out to him. When I opened the box, and asked him if he wanted to wear it, he got the hugest smile on his face. It was priceless. His whole face lit up, and it melted my heart. It was probably a small taste of what a guy gets to feel when he proposes to the woman of his dreams and she says yes.

I know that it is a moment that I will cherish forever: seeing that look on his face. And one I probably never would have been able to experience if we had followed tradition, and waited for him to received it during the wedding ceremony.

I have to admit that I really love seeing it on his hand, and love knowing how happy it makes him to be wearing it.